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Grieving

I'm grieving. I'm grieving the life I imagined for our boys. I'm grieving everything he was supposed to experience in his life.

It's devastating. It's heartbreaking. All around it's really hard and it sucks. 

I love Beckett so much, but coming to terms with our reality is not something that has happened quickly or naturally, because I am still upset.

I see parents going out in public with special needs kids. I remember the kids I went to school with and the classes they were in, and all the kids who were mean to them.

Knowing that Beckett is going to experience that is heartbreaking as a parent because there's nothing we can do to prevent that. 

I hate the looks we are going to get as he gets older, and people start noticing that he is different. It's going to be so hard.

But having him here is enough.

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